I'm rather fond of this work -- I wrote it after reading a translation of The Song of Roland in a college medieval lit class. I probably would write it a little differently today, but I had a great deal of fun parodying the stylistic elements (though I didn't want to try to rhyme it, since I didn't read it in the original). I have a special fondness for stanza 9.

	 	1.
	King Marsilion is afraid of Charlemagne.
	This is not surprising;
	He has clobbered everything in Spain
	Except for Saragossa which Marsilion holds.
	The pagan Blancandrin suggests that they trick the French
	By swearing peace and leaving hostages
	Who will of course be killed when they break the peace --
	Because, of course, that is the only honorable thing to do.  YEAH


		2.
	The Emperor is secure and jubilant:
	He has brought many captives home to France
	Whose ransoms did the general coffers fill -- 
	(Oops, that's Shakespeare.)
	His beard is white, his head flowering white.
	He strokes his beard with a powerful hand;
	Unfortunately, it comes off, it was not fastened well --
	King Charles is really Charles the Fifth:
	He inherited the beard, he is only sixteen.


		3.
	Blancandrin makes his proposal;
	Peace with Charles for a set of hostages,
	The Emperor tells his barons the proposal.
	Roland the Count will never assent to that;
	He wants to fight.  He always wants to fight.
	Naturally he is going to get to fight;
	This is a story about battles.
	Ganelon speaks against him,
	Roland has just volunteered him for a suicide mission --
	Ganelon later commits treason.
	You know what is going to happen to Ganelon?
	He is going to get it in the neck.
	Thirty of his kinsmen will be hanged;
	Ganelon himself will be drawn and quartered.
	This is called foreshadowing.  YEAH


		4.
	Ganelon is sent to Marsilion, he is angry,
	He wants to get Roland, surprise, surprise,
	Roland is an obnoxious fellow.
	Ganelon falls in with the Saracens
	Who seem to worship a variety of gods,
	Not all of which are listed in the Who's Who in Gods book.
	He goes back to the Emperor, Charles will leave Roland behind
	So that the pagans can wipe him out.
	At least Roland will die
	In a very spectacular way.


		5.
	Roland and Oliver and the twelve peers
	See the Saracens assembled in such numbers
	They cannot begin to count their battle corps;
	Oliver wants to sound the olifant
	Roland refuses, naturally he wants to fight
	And hack the enemy to pieces, receiving the credit
	Instead of having to be rescued.
	Roland is a typical hero.


		6.
	Roland is good, and Oliver is wise,
	If it were up to Oliver, the olifant would have been sounded sooner,
	But of course, Roland knows best.
	That is why this is called the Song of Roland.
	If it were the Song of Oliver, things would be different. 
							DOO WOP DOO WOP


		7.
	A great battle ensues.
	Archbishop Turpin fights remarkably well;
	He is a very pious man.
	He leads pagans to the baptismal font --
	If they don't want to go, he drags them to the baptismal font --
	If they resist, he cracks their skulls.
	He performs many such acts of piety in the battle.  YEAH


		8.
	Roland finally gets around to blowing the horn,
	He blows too hard --
	His brains come spilling out through his two ears;
	This is called 'blowing his brains out'.
	Roland is the last one to die;
	Heroes always have to be the last ones down.
	His soul is carried away by angels
	Who put it in a safety deposit box
	And check 'Roland, Count' off the list.


		9.
	The Emperor has a dream;
	He is standing on the shores of Lake Erie
	Watching a tugboat slowly sail out of sight
	When a seagull poops on his right arm.
	He awakens with indigestion.  SHOOBE DOO


		10.
	Another great battle ensues;
	This time King Charles conquers,
	Killing Baligant and Malpramis
	And Torleu and Dapamort	
	And Canbeus and Jangleu and Ambure
	And two turtle doves
	And a partridge in a pear tree.


		11.
	Another great battle ensues;
	This time King Charles conquers, 
	Killing Baligant and Malpramis
	And Torleu and Dapamort
	And Canabeus and Jangleu and Ambure
	And two turtle doves
	And a partridge in a pear tree.
	He then goes to dinner.


		12.
	You already know what happens to Ganelon,
	Why should it be repeated?
	King Charles is happy.
	Ganelon is not happy, nor is Roland,
	Nor Oliver, nor the Saracens,
	But the Emperor has conquered
	And all is right with the world.
	(Until the next battle, that is.)


	Here ends the song 	that Beth reinvents,de-emphasizes, parodies,
				that Beth employs, destroys,
	Here ends the tale	that Beth disclaims, re-aims, maims,
				that Beth massacres, demolishes,
	Here ends the written history,
	Here ends the source,
				Spelunk, pow.  YEAH